How Dare She Smile - Beautiful Struggler

I feel for Gabourey Sidbe. In what should be one of the most shiny, happy times of her life- both a film and TV project on the horizon, two laps around the talk show circuit and, oh yeah, an Oscar nod- she’s popping up in newspapers and blogs daily (even weeks AFTER the Oscars) because of her weight.

Ok. We get it. She’s big. Not average American woman big. Not “Jessica Simpson, how DARE you let yourself get to be a size 4, you cow!” big. She’s actually quite large. It’s not up for debate. So, is it to say that Sidbe should not spend any time in the public eye until she has rid herself of her hideous bigness? Instead of being so bubbly and effervescent, perhaps she should walk around with her head bowed or tell everyone how she’s planning to lose weight soon. I mean, how DARE she be big and happy at the same time? Doesn’t she know the rules?

For years, whenever a large woman has been embraced as ‘big and beautiful’, there is always the same reaction: By promoting the idea of big and beautiful, we are encouraging women to be obese. We are saying it’s okay. We are promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. This is troubling on many levels. Sidbe’s health is a topic of conversation for her and her doctor; while it’s not unreasonable to speculate that her size may lead to future health problems, the cigarette and starvation diets that keep a lot of other starlets thin will do the same thing. But because Sidbe’s health challenges haven’t lent themselves to looking like the Hollywood ideal, then it’s okay to diss her.

I lost a ton of respect for Jamie Foxx after hearing this recent clip from his radio show, in which he mocked Sidbe, Mo’Nique and the film Precious. I suppose great talent does not a class act make, but I (foolishly) would have expected more from him:

From the comments: “LMAO this was funny as hell. Now watch all these black women come out and get mad. Hurt fellings and all lol…Now is time to hear all the black women cry and whine. Ready get set GO.”

The irony here is that surely some of the writers and commenters going so hard on Sidbe are overweight or even obese themselves. Because the actress is so big, someone can be a size 20, look at her and say “I ain’t THAT big! That’s TOO big!” I’d wager that some folks that are used to being on the other side of the weight talk are relieved to have someone else to look down upon.

I’ve never read an interview in which Sidbe stated that she liked her size or preferred it to others. She simply seems to be happy in her own skin, which is a tremendous feat considering the number of people who are so quick to point to both her size and her complexion and judge it quite differently. It was her co-star Mo’Nique who made a career of “big and beautiful” and “skinny b!tches are evil“; and she laid herself open to criticism of glorifying obesity by doing so, until she adopted a healthier lifestyle and admitted that big women need to work out and eat right too*. There’s nothing wrong with “big and beautiful” and I don’t think telling women they won’t be beautiful until AFTER they have handled their weight issues promotes this healthy lifestyle critics are allegedly encouraging. Shaming people into submission rarely works.

Morbid obesity is not usually the product of “Ooh, girl, I just rather eat cake than exercise“. Most folks never consider that an obese person may have binge eating disorder, which is more common than both anorexia and bulimia. Possible causes for binge eating include depression, stress and using food as a coping mechanism (“emotional eating”)- issues that are quite common in the Black community and amongst young women of all races. As much as we need to discuss obesity in the Black community and the country at large, there is no reason to make this young woman the face of the conversation. Most of us have had large women in our lives in some capacity; did you ever reject your grandmother’s hugs because she was just TOO fat? Did you refuse to go to your larger homegirl’s parties because she was just TOO big? Were you unable to pay attention to your Sunday School teacher because she was SO big?

I never once read an article stating that Biggie, Big Pun or Fat Joe was too big, or that they were setting a bad example for their audience (Pun’s weight was only a topic of discussion after he began his public attempts to slim down and in the wake of his passing). However, all three men incorporated their sizes into their names and their lyrics AND made a point of letting you know that all the pretty little vixens were vying for their big bodies. That, to me, seems far more like glamorization than Sidbe playing a role that highlights how hard life can be for obese women and simply being a happy woman off screen.

I’m not saying that Sidbe isn’t ‘too big’ or that she shouldn’t consider some lifestyle changes. I’m saying that she doesn’t deserve to be the face of Black women and their issues with obesity. Furthermore, I resent the idea that she should not be allowed to travel the earth as happily and as peacefully as others because of her size. Should she choose to do something about it, that’s wonderful, but is she supposed to stop living in the meantime? Treating Sidbe like some sort of leper does nothing to help her get healthier; it’s just cruelty dressed up as concern. There shouldn’t be public ownership of women’s bodies just because they are in the public eye. I hope her self-image is as strong as it seems to be in interviews, because I don’t know many people who are strong enough to deal with what she’s had to face in these past few months.

*-Plenty of big women work out and eat well, but do recall Mo’Nique’s standup from about 10 years ago, okay? She wasn’t speaking to the healthy big girl side of the game.


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